What Do I Really Believe?

 I have written previously about how belief can be hijacked by a sudden shock and also by an inexplicable situation. But now I realize that belief can be uncertain in its own right, that is, one may be uncertain about what one actually does believe, or one’s belief may be malleable. 

This occurred to me when I was thinking about burial arrangements. Thus, I don’t want to be cremated. Why not? One reason is that the thought of being shoved into an oven like a pizza, or worse yet a broiler, terrifies me. But of course if I were dead that wouldn’t really be happening to me but just to my body, a lifeless corpse. So do I really believe that dead people are unconscious, or not? Another reason I don’t want to be cremated is that I want to continue to feel that I am somewhere. But, again, if you’re dead, you’re nowhere to begin with, right? So, bottom line: Do I really believe that when you’re dead, you’re dead, or don’t I? 

Or even if I do believe it, do I really reject the idea of being resurrected, which would intuitively be easier if my body remained intact? Of course my body would not remain intact for long in any case, unless I had an iron coffin or whatever, which I don’t wish to have; degradable wood is my preference. But, then, why wood or anything at all? Why not just be tossed in a ditch? Well, I don’t like the idea of being in direct contact with dirt and worms, or being stifled. Stifled?? But I’m dead! And on and on: What a hodgepodge of beliefs, which are a mixture of contradictions and nonsense. 

I suppose what could really be going on is not quite so ridiculous: It could be that I am really “thinking” about those rare cases where someone has been buried (or cremated) mistakenly and they’re really alive. But thinking in terms of, and then actually acting on (as by refusing cremation), improbabilities is just as irrational as thinking in terms of contradictions or plain silliness. (Not to mention that there may be other considerations having real epistemic and ethical merit that counsel the contrary, such as not wasting land and other resources on burial sites.) 

Another thought along related lines: My parents, although married till death did them part, were buried in separate locations. Both are with their parents, but I know my father at least would have wished to have his wife by his side as well. I take after him in that romantic sense, and so I have been saddened by the thought that I seemed to be heading toward a similar fate: that is, I don’t wish to be buried with either parent but I would like to be beside my beloved for all eternity. Problem is: My beloved is not romantic in this way … and probably wants to be cremated and her ashes scattered to the four winds. 

But why on Earth would I care about being alone if/when I’m dead? Well, again, there could be a mundane explanation, having to do with feeling while I’m still alive that someone loves me enough to want to share eternity with me, even in this merely symbolic way. But I suspect there is also some metaphysical thinking involved as well, again, a (literally and figuratively) nether belief that I really would be alone if not buried beside my beloved. And here again there are real-world consequences, such as my definitely feeling relieved and happy that someone who may become my new beloved has expressed a shared desire; indeed, this is one reason why I may switch beloveds! 

One “lesson” I will draw from all this is that what we believe is sometimes up to us. Previously I have argued that we cannot change our belief (and for that matter our desire) by sheer act of will; for example, I can’t make myself believe in Santa Claus, even if somebody is holding a gun to my head (or my child’s!). But now it appears that belief can be immune to evidence and logic as well, even evidence and logic that one is fully aware of and endorses. And I will add that sometimes this can be seen as an acceptable indulgence. Thus, putting aside for the sake of argument whatever strong ecological reasons there may be in favor of cremation and even doing away with cemeteries, why not allow myself to find comfort and happiness in the fantasy of eternal togetherness? That seems harmless enough and even altogether good. 

On the other hand, I can be sympathetic to stamping out all magical thinking, however seeming harmless in isolation, since it might seep into other areas of life where the consequences could be dire indeed. (That is pretty much my brief against theism.) And if my own lot (and plot) turns out to be having a loving partner who wants to be scattered to the four winds, or no partner at all, then I would be well advised to stop indulging the fantasy (if I cannot eliminate it entirely), since in this case it could only bring me misery.

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